Today is my birthday. I woke up at 9:00am and went to bed around 2:20am. This time I enjoyed a decent sleep thanks to a sleeping pill. Did the usual morning ritual nonsense of switching on the internet and checking the latest NBA scores. I meditated or tried to meditate while sitting in a tram heading to my university. Then listened to a series of lectures on Legal Ethics. Not impressed with the performance of the lecturer. He tried to be engaging and funny but he came off to me as a somewhat confused over-simplifier, over-generalizer. He also didn’t stick to the script but went off on a tangent often. Sure he was clever but something was missing. At one point after the first lecture he asked the students to introduce themselves. We had to mention our current jobs, share our expectations about his lecture series and what kind of encounters have we had with legal system before. Immediately as he explained this task to us, emotional/anxiety/stress alarm bells went off in my head. I was experiencing panic of feeling not being good enough or not being prepared for the task at hand. When my turn came, I probably sounded somewhat hesitant and sheepish. And I lied about my current employment (guardsman) for I lacked the courage to admit in front of everybody that I was unemployed. My self-worth only diminished in proportion to hearing the stories of my peers. Of course, in my mind I still have no doubt that I have the hidden potential to be one of a kind. After lectures I went to a local bookstore and bought 36 new books – mostly non-fiction, science, history, some self-help and autobiography etc. Now the challenge of reading these books. I have so many unread books. Way too many. Will I ever consume all the books that I have?

 

P.S. Two useful things  I discovered  on the internet today – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Netherlandish_Proverbs

 

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2 thoughts on “Day 8

  1. Happy belated birthday. I’m pretty new at meditation too, and it’s not always easy. I’ve been reading and listening to podcasts about it, and the lesson of self-compassion keeps coming up. But it’s definitely easier said than done. I hope you keep going with it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! The thing about meditation that I find confusing is the state of not-knowing whether I meditate correctly or not and whether I’m making any progress. I’m determined to stick with the practice nonetheless even if I’m doing it wrong. Let’s see what happens. Thanks for your encouragement!

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