Went to bed at around 5:00am or later. Woke up at around 12:30pm. Very bad quality of sleep. Feeling not rested. I wonder why. My regiment has been a mess. Yesterday I stayed late to watch stupid (but addictive) NBA game and Trump’s first speech to congress. I haven’t meditated today yet. Hope to do it before going to bed tonight. It strikes me how inefficient my days are. I do almost nothing except spend time on Internet following the latest fad and claptrap. Why am I doing this to myself? It’s like I’ve been trying to make my life difficult on purpose. But why? Why am I placing this burden on me? What am I not getting? Why is the message not received yet? I’ve been bemoaning my ineffectiveness and lack of assertiveness for now about 2,3 years. Predictably with no results. On the surface it seems so easy – just stick to your plan, just stick to your regiment. But no, something always gets in the way. Maybe I’m depressed and don’t know it. Or something else is amiss. Enough of the bullshit, whining, lamentation. I have to take control of my ship. I cannot let it drift without any purpose or direction any longer. I have to start delivering.

Today I bought I small gift to my mother for her birthday tomorrow. Otherwise, non-productive day. My last one?

No exercises. Gluten-free diet is full on though.


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